


Loss of a Parabatai

by Aria_Lerendeair



Series: Aria's SH Bingo Fics 2019-2020 [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec discovers he has a tattoo kink, All problems fixed via cuddling, Angst, Cuddling, Hurt Jace Wayland, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Jace and Alec are Dumb, Jace doesn't know how to feelings, Jace is an Angst Ho, Jace needs cuddles, M/M, Magnus figures it out, Magnus takes care of his boys, Multi, Pining, Pining Jace, Self-Harm Via Overtraining, Tattoos, Unrequited Love, Vampire senses sometimes make things awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22661374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: Now that Alec has a full handle (more or less) on his vampire powers, and Jace strong arms Magnus into going to see him, he's left to his own devices, and he realizes just how alone that truly is.For the first time since Alec was Turned, Jace lets himself feel the full force of the loss, and the knowledge that while Alec and Magnus have each other... he has no one.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Unrequited Jace Wayland/Alec Lightwood, Unrequited Jace Wayland/Magnus Bane, Unrequited Jace Wayland/Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Aria's SH Bingo Fics 2019-2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595839
Comments: 65
Kudos: 371





	Loss of a Parabatai

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Bingo Fill for my square Jealousy!! 
> 
> This is the first time stepping my toes outside the comforting Malec dynamic, so I hope that you still enjoy it, if this pairing is your jam! Please keep in mind that this is where the rest of the "series" is headed, though I've tried to keep each story contained so it is readable (more or less) on its own. 
> 
> Also Jace is an angst-ho and I love him to pieces, which is hilarious because 2 months ago I was DEFINITELY not saying that.

Jace hit the button for the penthouse and turned to look at Magnus and how tense he was. "Relax or you're going to freak Alec out." 

"I'm fine," Magnus snapped, glaring at Jace. He took a deep breath and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "You didn't need to walk me to the door." 

"I'm not here to walk you anywhere, I'm here to shove you through the door," Jace muttered, watching the elevator doors close. "Alec's been ready for a couple of days now, and you know it. Hell if either he or I know why you didn't head straight there the second you knew." 

Magnus hung his head and sighed. "I'm aware," he grumbled. "I didn't mean to upset him. And I'm sure you're more than ready to be rid of me." 

Jace rolled his eyes and gave Magnus another shove in the shoulder. "You haven't upset him, you dumbass. He's worried about you." 

"I'm fine," Magnus repeated, taking another deep breath. He wanted it to be true. Alec already had Jace's blood, and had been out in the sunlight, had passed Simon's tests of control, and wanted to see him. 

"No, you're not. But you're not even talking to me about what's going through your head. Hence why I'm throwing you into the loft whether you like it or not," Jace grumbled. 

Magnus crossed his arms over his chest. "You aren't going to need to throw me in." 

"You sure about that?" Jace asked. The tension was still riding high in Magnus and he sighed, looking at the elevator doors as they stopped at the top level and opened for them. He watched Magnus take a deep breath and step out of them. 

"It's fine," Magnus repeated. "It's going to be perfectly fine." He took a step, then another, striding towards the front door of his loft. The door that Alexander was standing on the other side of, waiting for him. 

Jace sighed and grabbed Magnus' arm, yanking him to a halt. "Look at me," he ordered. 

Magnus scowled at Jace and ripped his arm away. "Let go of me." 

"You're not going to go in there and hurt him, understood?" Jace growled. "He's already a mess, and all he wants to be is okay again. And he needs  _ you _ to be okay. So pull yourself the fuck together." 

"I know that!" Magnus snapped, glaring at Jace. "I'm not going to hurt him, I never want to hurt him!" 

"Then why the hell are you acting like this?" Jace growled, glaring at Magnus. 

Magnus deflated and his eyes darted to the door that was a few feet away and he took another deep breath. "I..." 

Jace scoffed and rolled his eyes, grabbing Magnus' arm again, tugging him towards the loft. He yanked open the door, ignoring the surprised look from Alec and shoved Magnus into the loft, stepping in after him, shutting the door behind him, glaring at the both of them. 

Alec's eyes darted between the two of them. "Jace, I told you not to force him." 

Jace shrugged. "He was being stupid. He needs you, you need him. So, here he is." 

Magnus swallowed and lifted his eyes to Alexander. The lack of deflect rune on his neck was enough to have him wincing, even as he watched Alec's eyes meet his calmly. "Alexander," he whispered, taking a step closer. 

Jace kept his eyes on both of them, his heart squeezing tightly on his chest. That Magnus could ever think that Alec would have eyes for anyone else, no matter how many centuries went by, was frankly ridiculous. Alec looked at Magnus like he'd personally hung the sun, and the soft smile on his face was heart-wrenching to see. 

His eyes drifted over to Magnus and the fear that he could blatantly see there, even as Alec walked closer to him. Whatever Magnus was afraid of, Alec would make sure that he believed it wasn't something to be scared of as long as they were together. That was just how Alec was. Jace couldn't help smiling. He'd received his fair share of those promises when he was younger, when they'd first become parabatai. 

Jace watched as Alec stepped closer and cupped Magnus' cheek in his hand and pulled him in. He turned his head away as they kissed, the soft sound of their lips meeting reminding him that his job was done. He glanced at them again, only to find them pressed tightly into each other's arms. His heart ached, and for the first time since his parabatai bond had disappeared, he was glad for it, because Alec wouldn't be able to feel how jealous he was at the sight of them clinging to each other like they were the only two in the world that mattered.

He'd wrapped Magnus in similar kinds of hugs over the past several days, especially when the panic, fear and insecurity had been too much. But he'd been a stand in for Alec, and he'd always known that. A replacement until Magnus could have who he really wanted. Jace smiled sadly at them and opened the door. No need to interrupt their reunion further. 

"Jace?" Alec called, his voice hoarse. "Are, are you okay?" 

Jace turned his eyes to Alec and forced himself to smile and nod. "Now that you two have your shit sorted, yeah, Alec. I'm fine. Enjoy your second honeymoon." The words felt bitter on his tongue, even though he meant them. They'd earned this, after everything that had happened. He gave them both a wave, and didn't see golden and hazel eyes staring after him as he shut the door behind himself. 

~!~

Jace didn't remember the walk back to the Institute. He turned his phone off. It was his day off, and his patrol didn't start for another twelve hours. He could take a little time to himself and just, just enjoy it. He forced himself to go through the city, to absorb the hustle and bustle, his eyes darting between the mundanes as they moved past him. A dozen times or more, he turned to say something, but there was no one at his side now. 

Not anymore. 

He hated it. 

He didn't know when, but he'd gotten used to Magnus being there. Always there with a quick word and an even faster tease, being able to banter back and forth with him, insults and teasing flying fast and furious. Magnus had understood, almost better than Alec, that he needed that, that that was one of the ways he used to calm himself down. 

But now he was gone, because Alec was back, and Jace wasn't needed anymore. Just like when they'd moved to Alicante the first time, but now so much worse. At least then, he'd still had the parabatai bond. At least he'd seen Alec a couple of days a week for training, or dinner, or just a meeting that Alec scheduled so they could  _ see _ each other. 

Jace pressed a hand to his heart and clenched his eyes shut. There was no echoing heartbeat behind it. There never would be, not ever again. He walked past another mundane and then stopped in front of a shop, staring at it for a long series of moments. His breath caught and his eyes drifted over the art displayed. He frowned and took a step back, looking around, orienting himself, before he headed towards Taki's. Maia would know where he could get what he needed. 

An hour later, Jace had a name, and a pitying, but understanding look from Maia. He headed towards the shop and took a deep breath, some of the burning easing in his chest. He held the breath in his chest and exhaled hard, pressing the door open. 

He looked at the young woman behind the counter and forced a smile to his lips. "Hi, I'm Jace Wayland. I'd, I'd like to make an appointment. Or, if you have anything available now, I'll take it." 

She perked up, and in another world, another lifetime, maybe Jace would have flirted with her, maybe he would have taken her behind the shop and enjoyed her soft skin and softer smiles. But now, now he couldn't. Not when hazel and golden eyes flashed at him every time he thought too much about it. Relief flooded through him when she mentioned that they had had a cancellation and could take him right away. 

The quiet background buzzing in the shop was a comfort and it let the sharp edges of his mind fade away. Now he just had to explain what he wanted, what he  _ needed _ . Jace fought the urge to cry and blinked hard when a man approached him, an understanding look in his eyes. All it took was two brief sentences, and the man was agreeing to do the work. 

~!~ 

Hours later, Jace headed towards the Institute once again. His skin was still buzzing and sharp with pain, but it would be another twenty minutes before he could use an Iratze. He'd been warned, repeatedly. He gave a quick nod to others heading out on patrol and headed towards the weapons rack, fully intent on going to lose himself in the training room for a few hours. 

A bow, sitting obvious as it could be, had him freezing in place. It was the same bow Alec used whenever he was in the Institute training. Not the same homemade one he had (that Jace knew Magnus was ordering a new one of that Alec would be able to hold and use), but one that Jace had seen in Alec's hands so many times it might as well have been his. But it wasn't. He'd become used to someone else using it, seeing someone else hold it. 

The ache under his ribs got worse and Jace reached out, taking the bow into his hands. He cradled it carefully, looking down the length of it, checking it for readiness. He knew how to shoot with one, of course. But it had never been his weapon of choice. It had always been Alec's, and it had suited him so much more. Jace tightened his hand around the grip, pulling it close, picking up the quiver in another quick movement, striding away from the rest of Ops. 

Pausing outside the training rooms, his skin itched under so many shadowhunters sending him concerned and worried looks. Jace turned and stalked away from them, heading towards the personal quarters before he doubled back and began climbing one of the back staircases. This was where Alec would always come when he needed to be alone. When everything had been too much and he'd needed nothing but the draw of his bow and the certainty of a target. 

Jace stepped out onto the roof, the cold New York air biting, burning his lungs, but he welcomed it, inhaling again. A quick swipe of his stele had a locking rune on the door and he turned back across the roof. There, like they had never moved, were the targets that Alec had set up years ago, so he could lose himself in shooting arrow after arrow. Jace swallowed and looked down at the bow and quiver in his hands, forcing them to steady when he realized his hands were shaking. 

He stepped up to the drawn line in the cobblestones of the roof, one he knew had been put there by Alec and carefully put the quiver on, pulling out a single arrow. Jace took a deep breath and closed his eyes, picturing the hundred, thousand, million times that he had seen Alec do the same motion. He'd seen it so much, he knew the motion by heart. Settle against the guard. Draw, carefully. Aim. Deep breath, hold it, exhale. Loose. 

The arrow struck true, into the center of the target and Jace blinked hard, tears starting to track down his face. Alec's voice echoing in his head was a torture, but he drew another arrow. Guard. Draw. Aim. Breathe. Exhale. Loose. 

The words became a repetition. Once he ran out of arrows, Jace collected them from the target and began again. Alec would have been proud to see that he could be relatively competent, because he'd always teased Alec that he could be just as good with enough practice. But now, thinking of the shots he had seen Alec make over the years, he knew that he would never be remotely as good. 

Another sob escaped as he drew again. His fingers burned, but he kept drawing. Alec would never tease him about this again. Alec would, Alec would use his teeth and his speed and his strength. It would be different. He would never have his parabatai at his back again, always protecting his weak side, always making sure that he wasn't too dangerous, or too reckless. Alec was never going to be there again. 

Tears filled his eyes and he cursed when his next shot missed. Alec never missed, no matter what. Alec  _ never _ missed. Jace sucked in a frantic breath and rubbed at his eyes, drawing the bow back. Breathe. He just needed to breathe. He'd never hear Alec's steady breath behind him again. Never feel the gentle calmness coming through the bond when he was angry or upset, never feel Alec pulling him into a hug because Alec knew it was what he needed, even though he could never admit it. 

Jace drew until he fumbled the bow, dropping it with a loud clatter. He stared at the blood stained fingerprints on the grip and looked down at his hands. He snarled and grabbed his stele, drawing iratze's on the back of his hands, picking up the bow again. He wasn't done, he couldn't be, he'd seen Alec do this for hours without stopping, and maybe he couldn't be as good as Alec, but he could try. He could try, because, because he was never going to have Alec behind him again. 

~!~ 

Alec turned over in bed when his phone rang again and he picked it up, holding it up to his ear. "Izzy, is everything okay?" 

"Alec? Are you all right?" Izzy asked, scowling as another shadowhunter came up to her and confirmed that they hadn't seen Jace since he'd returned to the Institute hours ago. 

Alec sat upright and felt Magnus stir behind him. "I'm fine, what's wrong?" 

Izzy exhaled hard. "Look, you know I wouldn't bother you if it's important, right?" 

Cold dread settled into his stomach and Alec threw the covers off, getting dressed at vamp speed. "Tell me what's wrong, right now," he snarled. His fangs broke out and he barely managed to control himself when he felt Magnus' arm touch his. He took a deep breath and forced himself to calm. 

"Is Jace with you?" Izzy asked, chewing on her lip. "I wouldn't think he would be, he knows you two want to be alone, but I don't know where else he would have gone where he wouldn't answer his phone." 

The fear increased exponentially and Alec yanked his boots on, looking to Magnus on the bed. "Jace is missing," he gasped out around his fangs, watching as Magnus' eyes widened and in a snap of his fingers he was dressed and striding for the door. "He's not here, Iz. Where is the last place you saw him?" 

"The last place we have him tracked to is  _ here _ ," Izzy said, pacing across Ops in frustration. "But we've been sneaking out of the Institute for years, Alec, it's very possible that he went back out again and none of us know where the hell he is." 

"Magnus and I will be right there, have something of his that we can track," Alec demanded. 

"We already do," Izzy said, snapping her phone shut as she looked around Operations again. She pinched the top of her nose and forced a deep breath, even as the sound of a portal made her look up. The sight of Alec, the first in days, since he'd been kidnapped, made her relax. He was pale, and it was strange to see him without runes, but it was him. 

"Alec," she said, quickly wrapping him in a hug. 

Alec gave Izzy a tight squeeze, burying his face in her hair, breathing in deep. "We'll find him, Izzy, don't worry. Now, tell us everything that you know." 

Magnus watched as Izzy began to give Alec a quick debrief, and focused around the rest of Operations. He kept half an ear on the conversation. Jace had shown up late, looking like he was in pain. He'd gone to train, had even booked one of the training rooms. Magnus frowned and turned to the weapons rack by Operations. The swords that Jace favored were all still there. 

"Alexander," Magnus called, walking towards where Alec's bow usually resided. "I know your primary bow is at the loft. But isn't your secondary normally here?" 

Alec's attention slid over to the weapons rack and he frowned, looking at it. "Yeah, I normally leave my second here. No one else uses it, really. Just me. Or at least, it was me," he offered with a shrug. 

"So why is it missing now?" Magnus asked, tracing his fingers along the rack where it normally rested. "Isabelle, pull up the camera feed. Just after Jace would have arrived back. See if he took Alec's bow." 

Izzy frowned in confusion, looking between them. "Why would he have taken the bow? I mean, it's not like it's ever been a weapon he enjoys using." 

Magnus swallowed and shared a quick look with Alec, becoming more certain than ever that Jace had taken it. "Figure out when, Isabelle, and if I'm right." 

Alec took a deep breath and pressed his hand against where his parabatai rune used to be. He couldn't feel Jace any longer, their bond had been severed completely when he'd died. But he knew Jace, he knew Jace and he knew that Jace had to be hurting. "You said he simply didn't show up for patrol?" 

"Yeah," Izzy said, chewing on her lip. "I normally wouldn't be phased by it, figuring he'd needed the alone time, but he'd come back earlier this afternoon, so I'd assumed that he was going to go out on patrol." 

Alec huffed and turned around, looking around the Institute. "Where's the last place you have him on the cameras?" 

"Heading towards his bedroom," Izzy said, tapping on her tablet again. 

Alec's eyes widened and he turned to Magnus. "I know where he is," he breathed. He looked to Izzy. "Cancel the search. I know where he is, and he's not going to want anyone near him." 

"Alec," Izzy called, watching him stalk out across the Institute. He might not be Head any longer, but shadowhunters scattered in front of him the same way they always had. She watched Magnus follow after him and frowned. She tapped at the tablet again, calling off the search with orders to resume normal patrols. 

"Stubborn bastards," she growled under her breath, turning back to Ops with a huff. 

~!~ 

"Alec?" Magnus asked, hurrying to keep up with Alexander's long legs and  _ almost _ use of vamp speed as they walked through the corridors of the Institute. When they abruptly stopped, spun around, and walked back through a door he hadn't noticed the first time they'd passed it, Magnus was thoroughly confused. "Alexander, where are we going?" 

"Do you remember, when you found me out on the balcony, and I hadn't healed my hands?" Alec asked, hurrying up the stairs. 

Magnus swallowed. "Of course I do." 

"There's one place I always went, always, when I needed that. One place, away from everyone, that I would go, when I needed to make myself hurt, so I could punish myself as much as I needed to," Alec explained, throwing himself up the stairs, resisting the urge to break out onto the roof. At the top, he reached for the door and scowled when he realized that Jace had used a locking rune. "Shit, and I can't use a stele anymore," he grumbled. 

Magnus reached out and pressed his fingers to the door. "If I may, darling?" he offered, and sent a pulse of magic into the door, pushing it open with force, slamming it back against the wall. He stepped through and froze, the sight of Jace on his knees, his fingers and hands bleeding as he tried to grip his stele enough to draw over the iratze on the back of his hands again. 

"Jace," Alec breathed, rushing past Magnus to kneel in front of him. His bow was on the ground next to Jace, along with the quiver, both of them sporting blood stained fingerprints. "Jace, what are you-" 

"Come here," Magnus said, sliding to his knees in front of Jace, reaching out to take his hands. "Let me heal you-" 

"No!" Jace snapped, yanking his hands back, his eyes wild. 

Magnus blinked in surprise, dropping his hands. "What? Jace, you need to let me-" 

"Wait," Alec said, reaching out to touch Magnus' hands, shaking his head. He kept his eyes on Jace and scooted a little bit closer to his former parabatai. "Jace," he called softly. "Look at me." 

Jace turned his eyes to Alec and flinched, looking down at the bow and the mess he had made. "I'll clean it up, promise, I, no one will know, I promise, Alec, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." 

"Jace," Alec repeated, moving a little bit closer, careful not to overpower or startle Jace. "I'm not angry. It's okay. We're okay." 

Jace shook his head, his hands trembling. "You're not okay, you, you died, I felt it, I felt it, Alec and it was-" 

Alec moved, reaching out and wrapping his arms around Jace, pulling him in against his chest, grunting when Jace began to immediately struggle. "You did. You did feel that, and I'm so sorry that you had to. I never would have wanted that for you. I'm so sorry Jace." 

"What do you have to be sorry for?!" Jace snarled, fighting Alec's hold on him. "You died, because, because I wasn't enough to protect you! I wasn't good enough! It didn't matter that I'm the best, I couldn't protect you!" 

Alec looked over at Magnus, his eyes filling with tears as he held onto Jace tighter. "Jace, please. It's okay. I promise it's okay. I'm here now. Yes, I died, but I'm still here. I didn't go anywhere. You didn't always have to be the one to protect me." 

Just like that, Jace stopped fighting and sagged in his arms. The immediate shift in personality had Alec tensing, on guard as he looked down at Jace. "Jace?" 

"I know," Jace said, his voice soft as his shoulders started to shake, pressing his face to Alec's chest. "You didn't need me. You haven't needed me for a long time. Magnus takes better care of you than I ever did." 

Magnus' mouth went dry and his mind flew back to that conversation they'd had on the first night, how Jace considered it his job to protect Alec now. He moved closer and reached out, taking Jace's hands between his, glad when Jace didn't protest this time as he started to heal them carefully. 

"Jace," Alec whispered, keeping him tugged in tight against his chest. "That's not true, and you know it." 

"It is true," Jace whispered. "I didn't realize it, until, until it was too late. You always took care of us. You always took such good care of us, Alec. Protected us, protected me, made sure that we were safe, even when we made it hard for you, you always tried-" 

"Of course I did," Alec growled. "Because that's who I am, who  _ we _ are, Jace. We've always been that way!" 

Jace swallowed a sob against Alec's shoulder, leaning into the easy embrace from him. It was a special form of torture, because he couldn't feel Alec through the bond, but Alec was here, Alec was right here, but he couldn't feel anything. "You don't understand, you don't understand, Alec, you, you nearly broke yourself for us, and fuck, what did we ever do to deserve someone like you?" 

Alec swallowed, looking up at Magnus, tightening his arms around Jace's shoulders, holding him close. "Jace. You don't need to, to do anything to, to  _ deserve _ me. You never have." 

"But that's just it," Jace whispered. He looked down at his hands, now healed, with Magnus' still carefully wrapped around his own. "We took and took, and took so much. What did we ever give back to you?" 

"Jace," Alec cleared his throat, pulling back to stare at him. "Listen to me." 

Jace swallowed, staring at Alec, at his hazel eyes so damn close, and the love in them made him want to shatter into a million pieces. He clenched his eyes shut and shook his head. It didn't matter that he'd given up his chance with Alec long before he even knew what it would cost him to lose. Magnus was better for him in every way. Jace knew he would have destroyed Alec, and he needed to get away before he destroyed Magnus too. He was too close to both of them. 

"Alec," Magnus said, reaching out to touch Alec on the arm. The pain etched in Jace's face made him ache. Jace had been there for him through everything while Alec worked to learn control, but hadn't let himself fall apart. And now he had. "Let me?" 

Alec took a deep breath he didn't need and gave Jace another tight squeeze before releasing him. "I'm not going anywhere. And we're going to take you home with us tonight." 

Jace blanched, his face going white, and he shook his head. "No, no, you're, you're-" 

"You need us more," Alec said, his voice firm. "No arguments. Now, talk to Magnus. I'm going to clean up around here." 

Jace winced and hung his head, watching Alec stand up and start to pick up the arrows that were on the other side of the roof, trying to ignore Magnus staring a hole in the side of his head. "I, I, you can, I mean, just, do the soundproofing, and, and I'll crash in my old room, it'll be fine, and I'll come back here tomorrow and-" 

"Jace," Magnus interrupted, marveling for a moment just how much Jace sounded like Alec. "Why didn't you tell me you were hurting this badly?" 

Jace swallowed and looked away from Magnus. Every word he'd spent telling Magnus the past week while he cried and sobbed his way through grieving was burning on his tongue. "You needed the support more than I did." 

"And what about for you?" Magnus asked, looking down at Jace's hands, reaching out to squeeze them. "I never forgot you were grieving, Jace, but you never let me see it." 

"I didn't want you to," Jace said, huffing out a laugh, wiping at his face. "Big bad shadowhunter, I have to keep my reputation somehow, don't I?" 

Magnus sighed and rolled his eyes. "Big bad shadowhunter or not, Jace, you should have told me. I would have listened. You certainly did that enough for me." 

Jace shrugged, biting on his lip. "The sparring helped. Let me stop thinking about it for a while. You're a better sparring partner than I thought you'd be." 

Magnus huffed. "Is that code you actually like fighting someone who can kick your ass?" 

"Maybe," Jace snorted, looking down at his hands. There wasn't even a lingering ache across them, all the cuts and scrapes healed. "Why are you both here?" 

Magnus exhaled hard and looked back towards the Institute. "You didn't show up for patrol. Isabelle was worried, and called us." 

Jace blinked, slowly and then looked down at his watch, cursing as he tried to force himself to his feet. "Fuck, I can't believe I lost track of time like that."

Magnus looked across the roof to Alec, well aware that he was listening without trying to make it obvious that he was listening. "It happens. It's not a problem." 

Jace sucked in a hard breath and resisted the urge to lean into Magnus' arms, like he'd made the warlock do so many times over the past week. He wanted to curl up against someone else and not have to be strong. He wanted to be jealous and hurt and just let himself be for a few hours. 

"Come on," Magnus said, his voice quiet, tugging Jace to his feet. "We'll take you home, get some food in you and-" 

Jace took a step back, shaking his head, clearing his throat, even as Alec started to walk back towards him, the bow and arrows bundled in his jacket in his arms. He looked away from them. It must have hurt Alec to pick them up and he cursed, he shouldn't have let Alec do that. "No, no, I'll, fuck, I need to go catch up with my patrol, they'll be looking for me and-" 

"Jace," Alec interrupted, stepping in closer to him. "You're not going on patrol tonight. You're nowhere in the right headspace for it. You'll get hurt." 

Jace scowled at Alec and glared at him. "Fuck you. I'll be fine." 

Alec sighed and gestured to the bow and arrows in his arms. "Magnus can you clean these and put them back, please?" 

Magnus nodded, waving his hand so he could banish them back to the weapons rack where they belonged. "The last thing you are is fine. Especially after that," he corrected. "Now, you're going to come home with us. If that means you are coming home to get completely and utterly wasted until you cry? That's fine." 

Jace rolled his eyes. "That's a waste of your precious expensive liquor." 

"You're lucky I keep the cheap stuff around then to get trashed with," Magnus said. "But you're not going out on patrol tonight. Even if we have to drag you with us, kicking and screaming." 

"I don't want to sit there and third wheel with the two of you being cute couple all night," Jace snarled, something ugly and hot growing in his chest at the idea. The worst part was that he didn't mind that. Because he could pretend that he was a part of it. That he was one of the people receiving those soft smiles and teasing. He shook himself and glared at them. 

Alec raised both of his eyebrows. "Jace, you're being stupid. Come on." He reached out and took Jace's arm, gesturing for Magnus to lead the way. 

Jace scowled and tried to break free of Alec. "Don't you use your vamp strength against me!" 

Alec snorted. "Like you never used the angel blood against me. I'm going to press my advantage while I have it," he added, stepping through the portal after Magnus until they were all standing in the loft. "Now go take a shower. You know where the guest room stuff is. I'll bring some clothes for you." 

"I'm not staying!" Jace snarled, stalking away from the both of them towards the bathroom. 

Alec watched him go and sighed, listening to the bathroom door slam. He leaned against the wall, sucking in a frantic breath of air that didn't have the delicious smell of Jace's blood surrounding him. 

"You okay, darling?" Magnus asked, stepping towards Alec. 

"Yeah," Alec said, trying to focus enough to make his fangs go away. His worry and fear for Jace had been enough to keep them sheathed, but now that he could smell the residual tastes of his blood, all he could remember was how sweet that blood had tasted on his tongue. "Wasn't expecting to be surrounded by the smell of his blood." 

Magnus kissed Alec's cheek and gave him a shove towards the kitchen. "Go have a cup of blood and I'll get him some clothes. Just in case there's any still on him that he's washing off." 

Alec nodded and kissed Magnus, soft and quick. "Thank you," he breathed, heading for the kitchen. He went through the motions of pouring himself a glass, swallowing it down easily, drinking another half a glass before he felt full and went to rinse it out. He closed his eyes, thinking of the sight of Jace on the roof, tear tracks on his face and blood on his hands. 

"Shit!" 

Jace's shout had Alec on high alert and he was running through the loft before he could stop himself, slamming the bathroom door open. "Jace!" When he met Jace's wide eyes, he froze in the doorway, his eyes caught on the rune on Jace's hip. His heart pounded, hard and violent in his chest and he took a step back. 

"Wait, wait," Jace said, his voice hoarse, trying to protect the tattoo from the water, stepping out from under the spray. "It's not, it's not what you think, Alec, it isn't-" 

"What's going on?" Magnus asked, skidding to a stop behind Alexander, magic curling around his fingertips. 

"Fuck," Jace cursed, pressing a hand to his face. He reached out towards Magnus. "Can you give me the towel? I'm not going to stand here naked." 

"I mean, I certainly don't mind the view," Magnus said, his voice mild as he handed the towel over.

"Magnus," Alec said, giving him a look, before his eyes were caught by the rune on Jace's side again. It made his heart ache to see the parabatai rune there, like it had never left. But... 

Jace took a deep breath and cursed, staring at the ink as he pat the tattoo dry gently. "It's a tattoo," he explained. 

Alec blinked, taking a second to process that. "It's...what?" 

Jace didn't look at Alec, instead focusing on caring for it like the instructions said. "There's, there's a tattoo parlor. On 42nd. It specializes in downworlder tattoos. Found an ink that wouldn't be erased or healed by an Iratze." 

Alec took a step closer, he didn't have a heart that could pound any longer, but blood was rushing in his ears and the sound of Jace's voice felt far away. "Do," his voice was hoarse, even as he stepped closer and knelt in front of Jace, pressing his fingers to the red skin around the edges of the tattoo. "Do they have inks that'll work on vampires?" 

"What?" Jace whispered, his eyes going wide. "Alec, you don't-" 

"Shut up," Alec growled, a wet laugh escaping as he leaned in and pressed his forehead against Jace's stomach, tears threatening all over again. "Do you know how wrong my body has looked, Jace? For days? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to look in the mirror and know it's not there like it should be?" 

"Even if there isn't an ink," Magnus spoke, breaking the moment softly. "I'm sure that I can work with an artist to create one, if that's what you want, Alexander." He met both of their eyes and smiled at them. "I'd do anything to be able to give that back to the both of you." 

Jace met Magnus’ eyes and then looked down at Alec, still kneeling in front of him and felt the wet press of tears against his skin. “Alec. Look at me.” 

“I can’t say the vows anymore,” Alec whispered, his fingers tight in the soft towel around Jace’s hips. “But you’ll always be my parabatai, Jace. Always. Not even,” he choked on a laugh, even as more tears started to fall. “Not even death can part us, now. It tried, and it failed.” 

“Alec,” Jace repeated, pulling away from him enough to kneel down in front of him, reaching out to take Alec’s hands, giving them a slow squeeze. “Please look at me.” 

Alec sucked in a hard breath and lifted his eyes to meet Jace’s. “Yeah?” 

“Can I hug you without you freaking out?” Jace asked. 

Alec managed a laugh, a few more tears leaking out of his eyes before he nodded. “Yeah, Jace.” 

“Thank fuck,” Jace breathed, wrapping his arms around Alec, yanking him in close, burying his face in Alec’s shoulder, clenching his eyes shut. He tightened his hands in the shirt that Alec was wearing and tried to breathe. “It’s so fucking weird that you don’t have a heartbeat anymore,” he mumbled. 

“I know,” Alec said, resting his forehead against Jace’s neck. He could smell Jace’s blood, sweet and tempting pounding under his skin, but, thankfully, the extra cup of blood made it easier to keep himself under control. “Magnus has been complaining.” 

“I mentioned it once, briefly,” Magnus said and rolled his eyes. “Now come on you two, as pretty a picture as you make on your knees, and trust me you do, I have no desire to figure out if vampires can catch a cold. Jace, would you like me to spell your tattoos so they can’t get wet?” 

Alec yanked his head back, his eyes raking over Jace’s body. “Tattoos? As in plural?” 

“Ah,” Magnus said softly. “You didn’t see it.” 

Alec’s eyes flew from Magnus back to Jace, who wasn’t meeting his eyes. “Don’t tell me that you did something stupid like get my name tattoo’d on you. I will never let you live that down.” 

Jace laughed and shook his head, standing up, holding his hand out to Alec until they were both upright again. He turned and bent his head, letting Alec see the falcon soaring across his back and shoulders. “It’s uh, it’s not done. I’ve got two more appointments to finish coloring it.” 

“It’s gorgeous,” Magnus offered, when Alec seemed unable to say anything, his eyes wide and dark, staring at Jace’s back. “I’ll put some cream on it for you when you’re done showering it.” 

Jace nodded. “The lady at the shop gave me some.” When Alec leaned in closer, his finger tracing along the tip of a wing, Jace fought down a shudder. “It look okay?” 

“Beautiful,” Alec whispered, pulling his fingertips away. He shook himself and stepped away from Jace. “I’ll uh, yeah. It looks awesome. Magnus is gonna get you some clothes, and then you’re sleeping with us tonight.” 

Jace’s eyes snapped wide and he spun around, but Alec was already gone, disappeared from the bathroom, a bemused Magnus staring after him. Jace turned to the warlock. “What?” 

Magnus shook himself and waved his fingers, casting a quick spell over Jace’s tattoos. “I have no idea. I haven’t seen him that skittish in years. I’ll talk to him while you shower.” 

Jace swallowed and nodded, turning back towards the spray, glad when he heard Magnus about to leave the room. “Was, was he serious?” 

“Hm?” Magnus asked, turning back to Jace. He let his eyes flicker down and along the muscles in the blonde’s back, and the gorgeous falcon soaring across his back. “Was he serious about what?” 

“The, the sleeping thing?” Jace swallowed and tossed the towel towards the sink, stepping into the shower again. He’d be able to hear Magnus’ answer over the spray. 

“Ah,” Magnus said, nodding. “Yes, very much so. Neither of us want to leave you alone tonight, and Alec seems convinced you’ll sleep better with both of us there.” He paused, glancing back at Jace. “I’ll be glad to have you. It was ah, uh, bit of a struggle to fall asleep a bit without another heartbeat to listen to, earlier.” 

Jace tensed, leaning under the spray, glad for the hot water that was still hot. “Does Alec know that?” 

Magnus hummed. “I didn’t say so in as many words. But he guessed.” 

Jace nodded, swallowing again. “I’ll uh, call you? When I need help? With the tattoos?” 

“Sounds good, Jace,” Magnus said, snapping some clothes onto the counter for him, before closing the door of the bathroom behind him. 

Jace closed his eyes and leaned against the ceramic tiles in front of him, cursing under his breath. Wrapped up in Alec and Magnus for the night? It sounded like the best kind of heaven and the worst kind of torture all at once.  _ Fuck.  _

Magnus took a deep breath and briefly felt through his wards, locating Alec out on the balcony. He made his way there, leaning against the doorway, studying how Alec was curled up in his favorite corner of the lounger, his head buried in his knees. 

“You know,” Magnus said, watching Alec startle, though he clearly would have heard him coming closer. “If you want Jace to stay in the guest bedroom, you just have to tell him.” 

Alec shook his head, keeping his head down. “I know I can’t blush, as a vampire, but if I could, my face would be bright red right now,” he admitted, clearing his throat, lifting his head just enough to glance at Magnus. 

“Oh?” Magnus asked, sitting down on the lounger next to him. “And why is that?” He reached out and took Alec’s hand, giving it a slow squeeze. 

“I, I  _ looked, _ Magnus,” Alec whispered, his whole body tense. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it just, it happened and-” 

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupted, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “You looked….at Jace? Should I congratulate you on having  _ eyes, _ darling?” 

Alec snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’ve spent too much time with Jace, you sound like him,” he grumbled. “But, but, I’m not supposed to, to, I’m married to you, Magnus!” 

Magnus raised both of his eyebrows and lifted Alec’s hand, pressing a kiss to it. “Alexander. Wanting another person does not mean you have done wrong by me.” 

“But…” Alec whispered, his shoulders hunched. “It’s, it’s  _ Jace. _ You know I used to, to, have feelings for him.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus said, reaching out to take Alec’s cheeks into his palms, waiting for his husband to look at him. “Jace is your parabatai, and he carried a part of your soul for much of your life. He was your first love in perhaps every way that mattered. He was who you trusted to take care of me when I needed it most. And he is important enough to you and I, that we bring him here, when he needs to recover.” 

Alec closed his eyes, breathing out hard. He could still hear the sound of the shower in the loft, but then Magnus was kissing him, soft and gentle. “Magnus.” 

“Listen to me, my darling,” Magnus said, his voice soft. “I know the bond that parabatai share is one I have no point of comparison for. You know I care about Jace, and I want to see you both happy and healthy. If that means he is here, more often than he is not?” He pulled Alec in for another kiss. “Then that is what we do.” 

Alec swallowed, licking over his teeth nervously. “You, you can’t, we can’t-” 

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupted. “There is very little in this world that I would not do, or give up to keep you happy and healthy. Jace has always been included in that, by extension, as you well know, for years now.” 

“I know,” Alec said, looking away from Magnus, the reminder of Magnus giving up his magic stinging, even now, years later.

“So tonight,” Magnus said, rubbing his thumbs over Alec’s cheek. “We sleep. The rest we can figure out tomorrow. All right?” 

Alec perked up at the sound of the shower shutting off and stood up. “Jace is done showering.” 

“All right,” Magnus said, pushing himself upright as well. “I’m going to go help him get lotion on his tattoos and then we’ll join you in the bedroom.” He eyed Alexander and watched his pupils dilate before he was gone in a blink and a blur. He hummed and sedately made his way over to the bathroom. This was certainly going to prove interesting. 

~!~

Jace had just finished wrapping the towel around his waist when he heard a knock on the door. "Yes?" 

"Just me," Magnus called, pushing open the door. He held out the tube of generic lotion and smiled. "Time to get this applied for you. And lucky for you, you know a warlock, so you won't have to wrap it all awkwardly." 

Jace grunted and turned his back, trying not to flush at the idea of getting Magnus' hands on him. "Do the tattoo on the back first?" 

"Of course," Magnus agreed, looking at the falcon soaring in flight again, tracing over the detailed lines. He carefully started to pat the lotion into place, feeling Jace tense under him. "Don't worry. I'm going to take care of it properly. I know how." 

Jace glanced at Magnus in the mirror and fought the urge to shiver under the gentle touch of his fingers. "Not worried," he managed. 

Magnus snorted. "You're tenser than a board. You and Alexander. Do I need to lock you in a closet together to sort things out?" 

Jace huffed out a laugh and shook his head. "No. I'm reasonably positive that wouldn't do anything. Except maybe make us kill each other." 

"You survived adolescence around each other. If you could manage that, I'm sure that you can do this," Magnus teased, working the lotion along one wing. 

Jace sighed and clenched his eyes shut. The reminder that he hadn't been there for Alec as a teen, or even while he was falling in love with Magnus was one that stung, even now. He'd mocked Alec for it, almost at every turn and had stretched their bond to almost nothing. 

"Jace?" Magnus asked, feeling his heart pound. 

"I..." Jace took a deep breath and forced his eyes open. "I missed a lot of Alec's life when I was younger. Hell, even early on with the two of you, because I was caught up in so much of my shit." 

Magnus huffed and rolled his eyes. "Jace, you know Alec doesn't blame you for any of that." 

Jace hung his head, shaking it firmly. "He should." 

"No, he shouldn't, because that's not who Alec is," Magnus corrected. He finished pressing gel lotion to the tattoo and stepped around Jace, dropping his hand to the parabatai tattoo. 

"I can do this," Jace muttered. 

"Let me," Magnus said, pressing the gel gently to it. "Alec doesn't resent you, Jace. I don't even know if he  _ could _ have talked to you about me." 

Jace sighed and clenched his eyes shut. "He should have been able to. That's just it. I shouldn't have had to...to..." 

Magnus chuckled and looked at Jace, meeting his eyes and seeing the surprise in them. "Jace, can you honestly tell me that you would have wanted Alec to come talk to you about sex, knowing how he'd felt about you?" 

The reminder had his heart tripping in his chest and Jace clenched his teeth together, looking away from Magnus. "I...no. Probably not." 

"Right. As far as both Alec and I are concerned, things worked out the way that they were meant to. Please don't worry so much," Magnus said, finishing with the lotion, taking a step back from Jace. He crouched down and blew a stream of blue magic at the tattoo, watching it settle into Jace's skin, before he stood up and repeated the same with the tattoo on his back. "There. Now, join us when you're ready, okay?" 

"Okay," Jace grit out, clenching his hands into fists as he heard the door shut behind him. Letting the towel fall off his hips, he looked down at the erection he had been trying to stubbornly ignore and sighed. "Fuck," he whispered. He grabbed the sink and set it to the max, hoping that the sound would be enough to disguise what he was about to do from Alec. 

~!~ 

Magnus walked into the bedroom only to find Alec pacing again. "Did you have an extra cup of blood?" 

"Two," Alec said, chewing on his lip, pacing along the edge of the bed. "What if we can't sleep?" 

"Alexander, I've slept next to vampires hundreds of times. I assure you, I'll be able to sleep," Magnus said, reaching out to touch his arm. 

Alec looked to him worriedly. "You couldn't earlier. You wanted to, but you couldn't fall asleep." 

"Because I'm..." Magnus blew out a hard breath, glancing back towards the bathroom, debating what he was about to say for a second. "Because I'm used to hearing you snore and hearing your heartbeat. Neither of those two things happen anymore." 

Alec's face fell and he stared down at the floor, his shoulders hunched. "I'm sorry." 

"Oh darling," Magnus said, reaching out to cup Alec's face in his palms. "It's not anything you ever have to apologize for. It's one more thing we have to learn to get through, together." 

Alec swallowed and leaned in to kiss Magnus, savoring the gentle press of his lips, right up until his fangs appeared and he groaned, leaning back. "Fuck," he swore, running his tongue over them. "This is ridiculous." 

Magnus smiled, grinning. "But very flattering." 

Alec huffed and glared at him. "It's going to take forever for me to re-learn how to give a blowjob." 

"Lucky that I like your hands so much isn't it?" Magnus said, giving Alec a cheeky wink. 

Alec narrowed his eyes at Magnus and stepped in closer, leaning down to whisper into his ear. "Maybe I'll remind you just how much you like my hands later." 

Magnus gave Alec a firm poke in the side. "Stop it, we're cuddling Jace." 

Alec huffed. "So I can't flirt with my husband?" 

"That was borderline seducing your husband, so no, no you cannot," Magnus growled, giving Alec another poke, rolling his eyes at the unrepentant grin that he was being given. 

"Fine, fine," Alec agreed, perking up when he heard Jace walking towards the bedroom. It was much slower and more cautious than he normally walked, and he wasn't using a soundless rune. Once Jace was in the doorway, a very  _ specific _ smell hit his nose and his eyes widened. 

Jace pointed at Alec, growling. "Not. A single goddamn _word,_ Alec." 

Alec held up his hands and turned to the bed. "No problem!" Even though it was, because it was  _ fresh _ , which meant that Jace hadn't done it in the shower, he'd done it afterwards, and that meant he could maybe taste it on Jace's skin still. He shook himself and wondered if he needed to get another cup of blood. 

Magnus looked between Alec and Jace with his eyebrows raised and then looked up at the ceiling. Lilith save him from idiotic shadowhunters. And freshly turned vampires who didn't know how to be polite. "All right, into bed with you both. Jace, you're in the middle." 

"I," Jace's eyes went wide and he looked towards the door. "I don't know if I can-" 

Alec reached out and took Jace's arm, tugging him towards the bed. "It'll be okay. We'll both be there, and if you need to move later, you can. It's all okay." 

Jace nodded and took another deep breath, climbing into the bed, taking one look at the golden sheets before giving Magnus a look. "Could these sheets get any more flashy?" 

Magnus narrowed his eyes at Jace and sat down on the edge of the bed, shrugging off his robe, leaving him in a tanktop and boxer briefs. "Yes, they could. Now stop complaining and get into bed." 

Jace scoffed and moved to the middle of the bed, glaring at the both of them. "How the hell are we supposed to do this?" 

Alec rolled his eyes and climbed into the bed behind Jace, giving him a firm yank, using vampire strength to get him laid out on the bed. "Like this," he grumbled, wrapping an arm around Jace, pulling his parabatai's back against his chest. "And Magnus is going to snuggle against you." 

"Alec, you two should-" 

"Stop that," Magnus grumbled, scooting up closer to Jace, relaxing on the pillow next to him. "It's okay. You don't have to keep the bravado up. Stop trying to hide from the two of us. I promise neither of us are going to judge you, Jace." 

Jace clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, turning into the pillow as much as possible, even as Alec's arm came around his waist and gave him a squeeze. "I don't-" 

"Don't make me remind you how we found you tonight," Alec said, his voice quiet. "Jace, let it out. I'm here. You have the reminder literally against your back." 

Magnus reached out and pressed his palm to Jace's heart, listening to the relaxing beat. "I don't..." he swallowed and looked up to meet Jace's eyes. "I don't miss Alec's heartbeat as much when I hear yours. Because yours was always the echo to his. It's like I can almost still hear it." He felt both Jace and Alec tense at the admission and then Jace's shoulders were shaking. 

"You're not going to be there," Jace whispered, keeping his eyes clenched shut. "Watching my back. Watching my weak side. Making sure I don't get into trouble. I don't...what am I going to do without you, Alec?" 

"I haven't gone anywhere," Alec whispered against Jace's shoulder. "I'm right here, the same as I always have been." He smiled and closed his eyes. "Besides, you've been going out on patrol without me for years now, I'm pretty sure you've mastered the art of covering your own blind spots." 

"It's not the same," Jace growled. "If I'd needed you, you would be there! You always would!" A sob choked in his throat and he sucked in a frantic breath. "Now..." 

Alec hummed and pressed his forehead against Jace's neck. "Now? I am going to be able to keep that vow more than ever. I won't be Inquisitor any longer. Hell, I don't know what I'm going to do anymore after we decide to go back." 

Magnus hummed and reached out, combing his fingers through Jace's hair, catching the faint whimper from you. "Moving back to New York is a distinct possibility. And since I happen to be on very good terms with the Head of the Institute-" he smiled when both Alec and Jace snorted, together. "-I'm relatively sure that we can get Alec deputized as a downworlder without issue." 

"You shouldn't have to do that because of me," Jace growled, shaking his head hard. 

"What makes you think I would?" Alec shot back. "I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my eternity, and doing a job how I already know how to do sounds like a good place to start." 

Magnus sighed and poked the both of them.  _ Hard. _ "Listen. We can do this tomorrow. We can do it with alcohol, without it, or any other way you want to have it. But right now, we all need to sleep." 

Alec sighed and tightened his arms around Jace, pressing his face to Jace's shoulder. "Is this going to bother you?" 

Jace rolled his eyes and kicked Alec's shin. "Shut up." 

Alec gave a faint smile and relaxed into the pillows. "Okay good." 

Magnus let out a breath he hadn't known that he was holding and snapped the blankets and covers up and over them both, snuggling in closer to Jace, leaning against his collarbone. "Good night, boys," Magnus said, pulling his fingers out of Jace's hair to reach out and give Alec a squeeze in his arm, closing his eyes so he could relax properly. He didn't need to admit that he'd almost called them 'my boys'. 

Jace was determined not to fall asleep. He'd just have to sneak out when he wasn't comfortable any longer. And make sure that they didn't think this was going to happen again. Or be something ridiculous like a regular thing. _Except..._

Except Magnus' soft exhales against his chest were a reminder of the time they'd spent waiting for Alec and the number of times they'd fallen asleep like that, and he was almost immediately lulled to sleep. Especially with the protective arm Alec had around him, surrounding him and protecting his back, like always. Well, maybe he wouldn't have as much of a problem sleeping as he thought. 

Jace was out cold before he even realized that he'd decided to let himself fall asleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> Come join a Multifandom Discord Server -  
> [The Fandom Playhouse!](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD)
> 
> You can find me here:  
> [AriaLerendeair](http://arialerendeair.tumblr.com/)
> 
> And on twitter over here:  
> [Aria_Lerendeair](https://twitter.com/Aria_Lerendeair)


End file.
